You know you’re a mom if….
1… You know that two arms is less than half the number you actually need.
2… You have used a public restroom, zippers and all, while holding a baby.
3… You sing nursery rhymes in the car, even when you’re alone.
4… Sandra Boynton is the best poetry you’ve read in years.
5… You have had to restrain yourself from slapping someone who said they slept in til 9am.
6… Laughter and tears are everyday occurrences at the breakfast table.
7… You have answered the front door dressed up as a princess or fireman and it is not Halloween.
8… Bodily fluids, schmodily fluids.
9… You say utterly ridiculous things like “please don’t lick the dog”, and “no you may not look down my throat with that slipper.”
10… You sometimes wear flip flops indoors for fear of stepping on yet another cheerio, grape or Lego.
11… Your wallet is buried under any of the following: lollipops, restaurant crayons, hot wheels, disney band aids, wipes.
12… Also, you cannot remember how you lived without wipes.
13… You completely understand how shaken baby syndrome happens. There, but for the grace of God, go I.
14… You have a newfound awe for your body, which has nothing to do with how it looks.
15… You have discovered the genius and comic relief of mommy blogs. Honest toddler, I’m talking about you. And you, Jen Hatmaker.
16… Bench pressing toddlers totally counts as upper body exercise.
17… After yet another sleep deprived night, you throw your used Kleenex in the laundry basket and cannot find the dirty shirt you were just carrying a moment ago.
18… Your lunch too often consists of PBJ crusts and half-eaten apples.
19… Going grocery shopping alone with your husband feels like a date. Because it is.
20… You have spent 24 hours wearing the same yoga pants and hooded jacket.
21… The smell of a newborn baby’s head makes you ache with joy and wonder.
22… You have 5237 blurry photos of your kids that you can’t bear to delete, even though you know you’ll never print them. Each one is precious, even though there are 43 other blurry ones just like it.
23… Wearing blue glitter nail polish makes you an object of fascination rather than an object of ridicule, even though you’re in your thirties.
24… You have to restrain yourself from counting loudly to three when your spouse doesn’t respond immediately.
25… You’ve never felt more stretched, more humbled, more clueless, more frustrated, and yet,
… You’ve never felt more blessed.