Letter to a hurting friend

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Letter To A Hurting Friend

Dear Friend,

I am writing to you because I know you’re hurting, and you know that I know you’re hurting, but every time I see you I feel like all I do is add awkwardness to the pain by saying nothing or mumbling one of those despised cliches. I’m so sorry. I so very much want to be a good friend to you through this, but I feel like a moose in a strait jacket: clumsy and clueless.

I have never been through what you’re going through, but even if I had I would not know exactly how you’re feeling. I want to honor your privacy, but at the same time I know that pain can be really lonely and so I want to be your friend through this… I just don’t know how.

Please teach me to be your friend through this. I don’t want to talk about the past if it reminds you of happier times and intensifies this present sadness. I don’t want to talk about the future if it makes you feel anxious. I don’t want to talk about me – I feel guilty sometimes for having it so easy while you are in the midst of the furnace. And of course, I don’t want to make you talk about you – this is consuming enough for you already. And yet we’ve always been able to talk. So educate me. Let me know if it’s a talking day, or an eating-cherries-silently-day. I’m all for animal conservation, but lets not have any elephants-in-the-room.

Let me know how I can pray for you, if I forget to ask.
Let me know if I can watch your kids, mail a parcel, or bring you a latte, if I forget to ask.

Because I love you and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Whack me on the head if I turn into that awkward cliche-drooling friend again. I want to do better than that.

I’m with you and for you,

A Letter To a Hurting Friend-2

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14 thoughts on “Letter to a hurting friend”

  1. This is so poignant and articulate. How many times I have wished to be able to express the similar emotions to hurting friends, and how many times I’ve wished that friends would say the same to me in painful seasons. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Thanks, Kate. I’ve had these thoughts swirling around in my head as I have friends experiencing very different trials and been battling with this mute lump-in-my-throat feeling. I wanted to write to each of them, but found that the letter sounded almost the same, even though they were facing grief, marital issues, illness, big challenges with their kids etc.

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  5. Thank you my friend! You always know what to say! I’m not sure you always see my comments or questions I ask on here! God bless you!

    1. I see each one (and I answer to most!) I wish I had a better system for it to email to back directly with replies 🙁 thanks for reading and encouraging me, friend!

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  7. This is perfect and beautiful. Both me and a close friend are going through some shit at the moment. The first paragraph is exactly what i want to say sometimes thank you

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